When “BEING THERE” is taken for granted…!
“SOMETIMES FRIENDS ARE LIKE PENNIES — TWO-FACED AND OF LITTLE WORTH”
A few friends in my life I love dearly, not unconditionally but dearly. They hardly disappoint me, and when they do, I easily ignore them because I love them too much to lose them over a stupid uneasy feeling. Turns out, this stupid uneasy feeling is the gut instinct telling me to protect myself, even from friends! Even friends are not exceptions when it comes to heartbreaks. They break your heart into million pieces, and it hurts even worse than a guy breaking your heart. One of my friends is coming back to India from Canada to get married. Let us call her Cinderella. Now Indian weddings are all about people and more people and some more people. They don’t believe in tiny weddings. They think the more people, the better the wedding. The only reason they maintain relationships with their relatives (cousins and aunts and uncles) is that they can feed them at their weddings. And if you need an honest review of weddings and catering services, relatives are the best. They’ll be the first to point out why the salad tasted stale or why it was tough to drive too far to the banquet hall? Sorry I got a little sidetracked with my rambling. I can fill pages on Indian weddings and everything that’s wrong with it. Coming back to the story, my friend is coming back from Canada to India to get married and said she wants to take me and one of our other friends, whom we can call Rapunzel, on a bachelor’s trip. Now don’t get me wrong, she had already had her white wedding; she is coming here to fulfill the formality of having the red wedding. Because Indian people need to witness people getting married with their eyes; otherwise, they won’t believe them to be married. No, not even if you show them the marriage certificate. They’ll be like SINCE WE WEREN’T INVITED TO YOUR WEDDING or SINCE WE WEREN’T PRESENT TO WITNESS YOUR WEDDING, YOU AREN’T MARRIED IN OUR EYES. WE DO NOT CARE FOR THE INDIAN GOVERNMENT. Thus, she talked to me day and night about how to go about everything. What dresses she should buy, and how her wedding outfit will look! She would discuss everything with me. Now, Rapunzel was involved too, but she was partially involved. She wouldn’t participate in the discussions, but they would talk occasionally. However, Cinderella would talk to her lesser than she did with me. But I was shocked when one day Cinderella said that Rapunzel might not be able to make it to the bachelor party if we went out of state. And we might need to cancel the whole plan and make a new one to rent a hotel room in the city we live in or go to some resort nearby. I was like, WHAT? I told her I had already applied for leave to get a break from my routine; what would I do about it? I do not want to waste my leaves by staying in the city. If such was the case, she shouldn’t have asked me to apply for the leaves beforehand. She said, “What can I do? I have to take into consideration both of your conveniences. I said, “And you think this is you doing that?” “Well…” “Look, I understand you must maintain friendships to have a crowd at your wedding, but you can’t do this. People have jobs to go to and things to take care of. They take time out of their busy schedules because they love you. Show them that at least you acknowledge that they are going above and beyond for you. No one is free; they make themselves free.” “What are you talking about? Where are all these coming from? Are you perhaps jealous of Rapunzel?” I said, “Of course, I am, lady. You could have arranged for the trip for both of us. This is really mean. I look like I am throwing a tantrum, but I am done being understanding. Why does it always have to be like this? Why do you always take me for granted because I am accommodating? I can make an excuse to not attend your wedding, too, because you, sure as hell, are not going to come to India for my wedding whenever I decide to get married. It is a deal of loss for me, but there are no deals in friendships! I thought we were better than this.” This argument seems childish and immature, but feelings never are. You feel you are close to someone and their well-wisher, and they treat you either like a tissue paper or a burden. And people ask me why I am not close with my friends or why I put up a guard. How do I answer them that I open my heart and soul to them, and they crush my heart and step on my soul! They hurt my heart and cut my soul! They break my heart and damage my soul! So, what to do with this friendship where you know it is not just friendship anymore between two people? And you have become family? Well, I am sorry, but I have got no answer. For all those who are curious about what will happen — as to whether I will attend her wedding. Sure, I am still going to attend the wedding, and that too plastering a smile on a smile because I have no other choice, and we are civilized people. I can’t not attend her wedding because then she’ll stop talking to me. Not that it will affect much but sometimes we makes excuses for people who have been in our life for life. And that is how maturity and adulthood work! My social instincts dominate my animal instincts, and to maintain the friendship (the so-called friendship), I will do whatever is asked of me at her wedding. Because in India, that’s how we roll. IT IS PATHETIC BUT TRUE!
